In this video, I'm going to show you how your behavior is a reflection of your values.

I want to share with you something that really helped me in my life. It's about the relationship between our actions or behaviors and what we value as important in our lives -- it can be hard for some people to see the connection but paying attention will help us improve ourselves over time.

 

Transcript

In this video, I'm gonna show how your behavior is a reflection of your values.

And I want to share with you something that really helped me in my life. It's about the relationship between our actions or behaviors and what we value as important in our lives. It can be hard for some people to see the connection, but paying attention will help us improve ourselves over time.

You know how important values are in helping you know what to do. The problem is when you're under a lot of stress, you might find yourself acting the exact opposite of what you wanna do. According to Dr. Kelly Crace, when we're under stress, we often will do the exact opposite of what our values tell us to do.

I know this happens to me, I beat myself up. Instead of noticing what I'm doing, I just barrel on with my bad behavior. When the stress gets just a little less, my next step is to beat myself up about how poorly I behave. Then what do I do? I just move on and I don't make amends with those around me. The problem with this, I can be seen as a fraud. You see, I've told people in no uncertain terms, what's important for me. Then I act in just the opposite way.

So let me give you an example of what I'm talking about.

Back in, about in 1980, I had a bookkeeper working for me. He was a really smart guy and I thought he was doing a great job, but the problem was he was embezzling. In fact, he embezzled about $200,000 from me. Now my accountants figured this out and they never bothered to let me know until my statement went through reviews. So it was three months before they knew and then I knew. And when I found out from them, well, I blew a gasket and I fired them. I think that was probably the right thing to do.

But then I went on and I blamed everybody in the universe, except for me for letting the embezzlement happen. After all, I wasn't checking the bills, I wasn't making sure the bills weren't getting paid on time, I wasn't doing anything that a responsible owner would've been doing. But I had to blame the world, I blamed everybody, I blew my gasket, I kept yelling at people all the time about how they were doing, something it was stupid. It was me that had been doing this stuff, it was stupid.

Now that doesn't do anybody any good. And I was saying, I have this great personal responsibility value, where I'm gonna be personally responsible for everything that happens on my life. Well, when I was screaming at people, when I was justifying my behavior and say, well, it was their fault, it wasn't my fault and all that sort of stuff. Guess what happened? I was seen as a fraud because I wasn't being consistent with what my values said.

So here's what happened in that situation.

  1. First I was in disbelief that I had the embezzlement happened in the first place. I just wouldn't take any responsibility.

  2. Then I blamed my accountants for not telling me.

  3. Then I spent way too much time before I fired Hal for stealing, because I was trying to find a way to justify my way through in saying that it wasn't my fault.

  4. And in the meantime, my creditors were getting more cranky and more cranky because my bills hadn't been paid and we were 90 to 120 days overdue. And they were all getting ready to shut me off.

  5. I eventually dealt with the issue, but only after trying to lay the blame on anyone except me. And then I justified my behavior, even putting me further behind the eight ball and nobody, nobody believed that I had a core value, of personal responsibility. Why? Because I wasn't walking my talk.

So I don't want this to happen to you. Instead I want you to live your values to the fullest, even when you're under stress.

So here are some simple things you can do to combat this issue.

  1. First, know that you're under stress it is time for you to start making sure you don't live your opposite values. In other words, if you have a value of personal responsibility, you don't wanna start blaming and justifying your way through life, because no one's gonna believe that value anymore.

  2. Number two, make sure you pivot back to your core values and take actions that are consistent with those values. Think how much time and bad energy I would've saved had I just said, "Gee, this is my fault. Let's fix this, let's move on. Here's what I learned from the mistake that I made." Instead, I spend days and days and weeks, which even compounds to the problem. Didn't make it any more better.

  3. In number three, have a thinking partner who you can trust. Somebody who can give you honest feedback and what you look like from the outside. I know this is really tough when you own a business, because none of your employees are gonna tell this to you. Almost none of your advisors will ever say it to you and your spouse won't 'cause they don't wanna get into it either. So you need to find somebody who has the guts to stand up and tell you what you look like to the outside world. And then you get to decide whether you wanna do something about it.

So, I would love to have a conversation with you about being consistent with your values. So contact me at jpatrick@stage2planning.com to set up for a time for us to talk.

In the meantime, if you're not ready to talk, download our free infographic on how to create great values in your life. And while you're at it, why don't you please scroll down and let me know what you think about making sure you always exhibit your values in a positive manner.

Hey, this is Josh Patrick, you're at the sustainable business. Thanks a lot for stopping by, I hope to see you back here really soon.

 

Topics: core values, behavior, stress management, walking your talk, behavioral change

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